Phrases and terms used in the blog that may not be familiar to everybody. Listed in the order that I used them because I am far too lazy to put them into alphabetical order…
Postman Pat – A fictional character aimed at pre-school children. He lives in Greendale and has a cat called Pat. He is very shortsighted.
Elbow Grease – Manual labour. Not available in Halfords.
Halfords – An automotive parts retailer who provides products that never do what they say they will.
James Herriot – Veterinary Surgeon and author of humorous books about putting your hand up a cows bum.
10mm spanner fairy – Mythical invisible creature who steals and occasionally returns to a different place any type of undoing implement with a measurement of 10mm (that’s about 3/8ths inch in old money).
WD40 – An elixir used to remove squeaks and lubricate things. Also a component of the rust removal bath.
Buggerit – The phrase to use when striking ones thumb with a hammer.
BFH – The biggest flipping hammer.
Cookie Knight – A biscuit box in the shape of a knight. It speaks – often without prompting.
Gabon – Country on the west side of Africa. Famous for being supported by me during a football match at the 2012 Olympics.
Seat – The most traveled part in the history of Little Projects.
Phileas Fogg – Fictional character from “Around the world in 80 days”. Would have delivered Seat faster than Australia Post.
Australia Post – Alleged delivery organisation. I suspect they use canoes for crossing the Pacific.
History of Little Project – A totally accurate and legitimate tale of how Little Project ended up in Twickenham.
Twickenham – Home of Little Project and also of English Rugby.
Rugby – Game played between lots of large men and an egg shaped ball. Often resembles turning out time in a pub in one of the less salubrious parts of London.
Old school jumper – Used to stop sawing off fingers when using a hacksaw blade in confined places.
Lidl – German supermarket that has obscure and unrelated goods between the cereals and the biscuits.
Rocking horse poo – Something that is very scarce.
Hens teeth – See Rocking horse poo.
Horse feathers – See Hens teeth.
SORN – Statutory Off Road Notification – What you have to do in the UK when you have a vehicle that is not being used on the road.
UPS – Very efficient delivery organisation.
Vinegar – Logical companion to chips. Also a component of the rust removal bath.
Chips – Made from potatoes cut into 1cm (1/2 inch) wide slices, deep fried and served hot. Not served cold in a cellophane bag.
NOS – New Old Stock – For the rebuilder a godsend – For the vendor an opportunity to charge three times as much as the original list price.
HOAP – Formerly Honda On A Pallet. Latterly Honda Off A Pallet.
Mouse – Deceased contents of Little Project barrel.
Gunk – Removes road debris and muck – A minor (and accidental) component of the rust removal bath.
Moleskin – Heavy cloth or rag used to shape solder.
Twaddle – A description of how I write.
Reginald Perrin – TV character who faked his suicide and then set up life as a shopkeeper selling useless things from an outlet called Grot.
Hairdryer – Notoriously fickle device for removing stickers and defrosting the fridge. Can also be used to dry wet hair.
Antipristine – The opposite of Pristine.
Unpristine – A synonym for Antipristine.
Allen key – Hexagonal shaped device for removing screws and bolts with hexagonal sockets – also known as a Hex key.
Torx key – Officially a star shaped device for removing screws and bolts with star shaped sockets. Unofficially used for hammering into holes drilled into screws and bolts with mangled sockets.
Richard and Judy – Husband and wife journalistic team. Judy once had a wardrobe malfunction at the National Television Awards but would probably be preferred to be remembered for other things.
The Verbal Hedge – Twaddle about things other than Little Project.
Rust removal bath – A vat of noxious substances mixed in a secret recipe and designed to remove rust from any object, large or small.
Gary Numan – 1980’s electro rocker and previously lead singer of Tubeway Army.
Cycleanalysis – Technical term for understanding what goes on in the head of Little Project.